ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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