Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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