i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
