Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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