He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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