Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
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I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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