Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
