Don't you send me to vm
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So much rum. So many feels.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
