why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
