the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
