Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
