I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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