He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
