Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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