So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
