So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
