Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
