dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
