If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
