dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
