I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
