your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
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I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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