I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
