Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
