Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
