Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
