based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
