so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
