you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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