either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
