Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
