I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
