I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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