Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
