How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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