I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Houston, we have a blender
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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