Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
