I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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