I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize