its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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