I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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