I am puke
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
