Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
