U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
