does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
