So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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