There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
