Your dad touched me again.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
