Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
