You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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