Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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