Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
