My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
