hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
