that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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