I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
