I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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