So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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