i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
