Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
