im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
