we have officially lost it.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
