So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
