Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
