he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
