He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
